Catching up with old friends is fun, especially when you have had a year filled with moves, engagements, breakups, etc. I recently reconnected with a woman I met a few years ago who, while we have never been close, conversation was never lacking. This past year she has changed jobs, gotten divorced, and gone on her first date. Ever. I was shocked. She explained that besides her ex-husband high school dating was her only experience.
I found myself wondering how many relationships and dates does one have to go through before finding the right person. And even when you think you have found the person whose smile gives you heart palpitations for life, how can we ever really be sure? I have several friends who found the perfect partners, exchanged vows at a beautiful wedding, and then split, labeling the ex a great learning experience. Later they go on to meet wonderful people that they want to spend life with.
I asked one of my second time engaged friends about the upcoming wedding, to which she informed me it would be a really small affair with only family. The first wedding with souffle, which turned into a disastrous marriage, merited a big to do, but the “one” gets merely a pat on the back and a hot dog. Do we need a trial marriage in order to make sure we are getting the right model? These days you can test drive anything from a car to a dog. But does that mean we want to invest the time and effort it takes on a trial? A trial in court can determine a person’s guilt or innocence. This isn’t to say that I disapprove of divorce. In truth, we deserve to be happy and love the person that we are with. Some of the best couples I know are on the second or third marriage.
As a recently engaged gal, these questions naturally come up but I only let them fester for a moment. The truth is we never really know the people we get in bed with. We have to be able to trust our judgements and ourselves.